A Bug a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Ulomoides dermestoides

There is a new epidemic in Russia, not of any disease, though, but, nonetheless, it is an epidemic. Another epidemic of follies. Forget Philippine healers, forget your local medicine-men and other quacks. The friendly Chinese, who used this treatment method for centuries, have finally brought it to Russia. And the demand is huge here.

Please, meet Dr. Bug, aka Bug the Healer, or Ulomoides dermestoides, to be more precise.

Feeling fine, but just want to get rid of that bad breath that spoils your relations? Easy! Start eating one bug a day and gradually increase the number to 70.

If you suffer from asthma, high blood pressure or heart, lung and kidney ailments, you need to devour twenty to thirty bugs a day. All your life.

The number of bugs you will need to consume is even bigger if you have cancer, Parkinson’s or diabetes. But the cure is guaranteed.

Oh yeah, the bugs should be swallowed live because they produce healing elements only when they die in your stomach.

And you should quit smoking and drinking alcohol to ensure the best results.

According to the know-it-all Wikipedia “Ulomoides dermestoides is a species of beetle in the family Tenebrionidae, known under a variety of common names, such as Chinese beetle, Chinese weevil, peanut beetle, cancer beetle, or asthma beetle. While native to Asia, it has been spread worldwide due to the belief that is has medicinal properties”.